Fa-la-freakin'-la...

Dear Mommy at American Girl Place,

You have the cutest little toddler in the world. Really. I could've watched her push her little Bitty Baby stroller around the store all day long. Adorable.

However, you may want to re-think the timing of your outing. Because the holiday season at a gifty store like American Girl Place - less than a week before Christmas - to let your toddler push her dolly stroller? Not good.

Especially because I have a history of trampling toddlers. It's not something I'm proud of. (See January 29th 2008 post.)

Happy Holidays,
Martha



Dear Worker at the Lands' End Inlet,

I'm sorry I lied to you about needing two gift boxes for the polar fleece tops I purchased. I think we both knew that one of those tops was for me. I saw the way you looked me up and down in the polar fleece top and pants I was sportin'. You knew, but you didn't make me feel bad at all. Well played, my friend. Well. Played.

And I'm really sorry that I was making fun of your affected accent and lisp in my head while I was waiting in line. Because you were really nice and funny.

Kindest Regards and deepest apologies,
Martha




Dear Lands' End,

I love your polar fleece.

Love,
Martha





Dear Old People in the Chrysler 300's on the road Thursday,

That is a cool-lookin' ride - it is.

But I thought you all got your Holiday shopping done in June? So what are you all doing on the highway driving 35 mph in the passing lane as we're all whizzing past you on hwy 494?

Helpful hint: get some good snow tires and take the city streets.

Best,
Martha



Dear Culvers,

When I want to eat my feelings, you are always there for me.

That double scoop chocolate-vanilla waffle cone is just the ticket when I'm feeling frazzled. And who are we kidding? It's not just a double scoop - there's probably a quart of ice cream jammed into that crispy waffle cone.

Your name is on at least two of my four chins. Keep doin' what you're doin'.

Love,
Martha



Dear Guy at Michael's,

You don't belong in a craft store. You were bumping into women, tripping over your own feet and you looked very confused as you cruised the aisles looking for whatever it was you were looking for.

Just get her a gift card. You'll just end up getting her the wrong thing anyway.

xoxox,
martha



Dear Noodle's Teacher,

I can't tell you how irritated I was when we found out just this week that the kids were doing a 'Secret Snowflake' gift exchange.

Because after running around all day and still not finishing my shopping? I realized when I picked up the Noodle at the bus stop at 6:15 pm that we still needed to go to the dollar store and get gifts for her 'Secret Snowflake'.

That's how I found out the dollar store in our area had folded. So we had to go to Target's dollar spot and find some stuff.

But after watching her agonizing over what to get for her 'Snowflake', I realized (yet again) what a complete hateful witch I am. Because for four dollars, the Noodle put together a really cute little gift basket with a mini slinky, a date book and some socks. She really got into the spirit of giving and was thrilled to give this gift to little Rosa.

Even though Rosa indicated that she hates Noodle.....we're hoping that $4 gift will buy her love....wish us luck!

Oh - and I hope you like your gift. It was my first craft EVER.


Love,
Noodle's Mom

Things.....

1. Man. I just finished testing the best little cookbook!
I mean it: THE. BEST.
I try not to talk too specifically about work on here - unless I think it would be terribly interesting to my friends, the Internets.
I do that so I won't - you know - get FIRED.
But this cookbook is soooo good. When it comes out in the spring/summer I'll let you know. It's all chicken.
And it's delicious and perfect.

2. It's been very cold here. It took me 1 1/2 hours to get to work on Tuesday. I was LIVID. Because the roads were perfectly clear and drivable. And my commute is normally 20 minutes.

3. Then? It took me another 1 1/2 hours to get home and I even left work early! I was kind of expecting that because it started snowing and roads weren't that great. I left at 2:30 pm.

4. I have no right to complain because my pal Colleen's hubby drives the same route as me and it took him 3 hours to get home.

4. Then Noodle had her very first strings concert Tuesday night. She was so excited. We live 10 minutes (about 5 miles) from her school and it took us 30 minutes to get there. Something we didn't know?
Was it was a BAND concert as well.
So we had to sit through that too.
The kids did great, so I don't mean to complain, but I'm sure you can feel my pain when I tell you that the band would play a simple song together. Then? EACH PERSON in the band would play the same song solo.
Then the band would play the song together again.
And there were two bands.
Each playing 3-4 selections apiece.
And I was on the road for 4 hours of my day on Tuesday.
And I wanted to slit my wrists and drain my body of all of it's blood, but....

5. I can't because I HADN'T STARTED my Christmas shopping.

6. I started it yesterday. It took forever. And I picked up my Christmas photo cards, which look awful.
And that's my own fault for never taking pictures of my kid. Hence, my New Years resolution to take more photos.

7. I will go out again today and finish the shopping.

8. I made coffee yesterday morning and didn't put the pot in the coffee maker.
There was an entire pot of coffee dripping on the floor and filling the inside of one drawer and cupboard.

9. I made bacon omlettes for dinner last night. To streamline my bacon-making process, I made it in the oven.
Where all of the grease dripped from the broiler pan and all over the bottom my oven.
And the smell of bacon has permeated the house, furniture and all of our clothing.

10. Some guy I knew in the 7th grade asked me to be his friend on Facebook.
I thought, "Awww....that's so nice! He was always such a great guy! I wonder what he's up to?!"
So I wrote him a note asking him about himself.
And he sent me a note back saying he "couldn't quite place me" but he and Zuddy were friends in high school and to tell Zuddy "hello".

Nice.

Things.....

1. Suzy from the Runs is running a marathon in Arizona in a few days. I can't stop thinking about her. And if you haven't already, you should pop by and give her some love. She wants to qualify for the Boston Marathon!!! I'm so impressed by her. She's a mom to 3 kids and a student. Plus, she's super funny. SUPER funny. And I don't even think she tries to be funny.

2. You all know I have a pretty serious problem: Facebook. And here's the problem: My new-old-best-friend Micaela would probably say my problem is that I keep sending her notes on Facebook and stalking her blog.
But that's not it.

Here's what the problem is for me. I'll go to, say...Micaela's friends list. If there's someone there who will let me look at their page? I will look at everything they have on their page. I'll look at their photos, ooh and aah over their kids. Then? I'll look at all their friends. And find someone there who will let me look at their page. Then I'll look at their photos, ooh and aah over their kids. Then? I'll look at their friends!
See? It's a hundred kinds of wrong. I know that. I mean first of all: get a freakin' life, Martha. You don't even know these people. Second? Well, there is no second. I should be painting furniture or stripping that final bit of wallpaper off my kitchen walls. Because:

3. It will be 2 years in March that I started my kitchen project. I've had 3 weeks off and frittered it away. And now I will be working for the next few months. I really need to get this done. The tile work won't be all that expensive. Mrs. Jones told me to get the cheapest tile out there and I think I will do that. Which is killing me because every once in a while I run across a photo where I see a beveled subway tile and I'm totally enamored with it. But that would be silly. In my blog-stalking travels, I've seen an interior designer whose trademark tile job is the herringbone design. Here's an image of the herringbone pattern will look like and a link to her blog:



Do you like that pattern? Do you think it will look okay in my kitchen? I'm going to go with a dark gray grout.



4. Can I tell you about my new-old-best-friend Micaela? Hi Micaela *i'm waving*! She has a blog called Striving Green. I love her blog because I'm always trying to more earth-friendly myself, though I'm not as organized as Micaela. I can't remember when I met Micaela...probably the 7th or 8th grade? We were band geeks together and she was always really funny and smart and cool. We had our 20th High School reunion over the summer - Zuddy and I didn't go, so I totally missed out on seeing her. But that darn Facebook brought us together again. Sigh. Have I mentioned Facebook before? No?
Anyway.
I heart Micaela.

5. The Noodle is really improving in school.
I brought her to work one day on my day off so I could have a colleague speak to her in Spanish and tell me if the she thought Noodle understood what she was saying.
My friend from work is named Livia and she's originally from Peru. She's fluent in English, Spanish and Inca, I think. AND she is THE most amazing cook in the world. Anyway. She took Noodle away into the back storage area to hunt for candy and had a conversation with her in Spanish. Noodle told her (in Spanish) that she only speaks Spanish at school or when she doesn't want her mom and dad to know what she's saying. Ha! Livia seemed really impressed with her Spanish and was just beaming telling us all about their conversation. Isn't that sweet? LIVIA was beaming and so proud of MY kid. So now I'M proud of my kid.
And? I've hired Noodle's BFF's Mom (Colleen) to work with her once a week on her math. Colleen is a teacher and is amazing - she is fluent in Spanish too. We've decided to go this route because Colleen will come to our house once a week to work with her for an hour. And she can teach math in Spanish, too. Which is ideal because, of course, math is taught in Spanish at Gracie's school. I feel really relieved. However, this is going to be expensive and it needs to come out my already inadequate weekly budget. Oh - Colleen tried to tell me not to pay her what Mathnasium charges, but I can't do that. She's a professional and worth every penny.

6. Boy this is getting to be a wordy post. But I've got a lot on my mind. And I'm going to puke it all out right here.

7. My brother Mike made the best turkey dinner for Thanksgiving! I don't think we even got into a fight the whole day! Amazing. Nope - I take that back. I heard him yell at his wife. Go back to last Thanksgiving to see an explanation of our totally functional family dynamics. Here is a photo of the Schmacker making apple pie on Thanksgiving morning:



I love this photo of him. When he concentrates really hard, the tongue comes out. He's done this since he was a baby.

8. Zuddy and I had a date on Tuesday. Zuddy took some vacation from work (which he never does) and we got in the car and drove to the tiny little town of Miesville to have a burger at Kings. If you are from the Twin Cities, you must go. Zuddy's been talking about it for ages. My brother Mike and sister Myrna love it. You MUST GO. They have a gazillion types of burgers there. Zuddy got one topped with corned beef. He also likes the one topped with egg and a hot dog. And the fries! Fries aren't really my thing unless they're very good.
Zuddy knows this and told me to order the seasoned waffle fries with the chive sour cream dipping sauce.
I told him, "Fries aren't really my thing."
He said, "Order the fries."
Those fries are my new thing.

Anyway, after lunch we drove around the small towns around there and looked at all of the houses. Makes me want to live in a small town. We spent hours just driving in a quiet car (no radio) and hanging out. It was great.

I told him to call me sometime and we could do it again **making the phone sign with my hand up to my ear and mouthing, 'call me'**
I think I like him, I don't know.
Next time we go out, I'm totally going to let him kiss me.
Oh gosh - I hope he calls. What if he doesn't? Oh, I'll just die. It's been two days and he hasn't called! Do you think he will? Maybe I should call him?

9. I'm going shopping and out to lunch with Kirst and MJ today. I can't wait.

10. I looked at my resolutions from last year. They were totally the same as this year. The only one I did well on was the reusable bags.

11. I start a new project at work tomorrow. That means no more obsessive blog and Facebook stalking.

House Tours!!!!

Did you see that? I said, "house tours" with an "s" - plural.

Because that good girl, Janet, asked so nicely. That Janet.... she's such a nice girl. Janet? I'll bet you were a real goody-goody in your school days, weren't you? Kidding. I need to go visit Janet.

So here's the fixer-upper people. It's a 2 bedroom, 1 bath home with 1223 sq. feet of living space.

It's 8 blocks away from the grocery shop where the people with the smelly heads shop - so totally within walking distance. It's a really great little neighborhood. And?

It's only $164,720.39! I'm kidding about the 39 cents. But that number is a little strange. Janet? Why would someone pick a number like that? (For those of you who don't know Janet, she's a Realtor out on the East Coast).



So here she is! A little Dutch Colonial. I love Dutch Colonials, don't you? I have a thing for dormers. I think we could do a lot with that little portico there, don't you? And she definitely needs a new roof.

Okay. Here's where things get a little gross. The living room. Specifically the living room carpet. Oh I know, I know. You and I will just rip it up when we buy it, but if I were selling this house, I would rip it up myself before I put it on the market.






I've always wanted a fireplace. We could beef up that mantel, couldn't we?



Sure. Let's get a shot of that dirty carpet. Blech! The living room is 22x12. I would kill for a living room that size.






Dining room. 12x14. I'd ask them for the table. It's cute.




Okay. Here's where I throw up in my mouth a little bit. Those cabinets are so. gross. The kitchen is 12x12. So really, in my world, that's a pretty good size. I could make that work.





The bathroom. Really, it's not as bad as the kitchen, in my opinion.






One of the upstairs bedrooms. There are only 2 and they are 16x14 and 12x14.


Goah. I love dormers. I know this photo shows absolutely nothing, but it's utter p*rn for a house lover, isn't it?





The back of the house.


What do you think about that one?




House #2. This photo of the front of the house is really small. Sorry. I don't know why.

This house is near one of the fabulous lakes in Minneapolis. I've talked about why I don't generally cross the river to show you houses. But I can't help myself.
I.
must.
cross.
the river.

This one is in a great neighborhood by 'the lakes' . It's really close to some great shopping and restaurants. You want to live here. Trust me. You do.

This house has 3 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. Really....it does. 5 bathrooms.

It's got about 3500 square feet of living space for about $1.7 million dollars.

Oh, I know, I know. It's a bit pricey. But it's so Caaaaayyyyyyyuuuuuuuttttttaahhhhhh!!!! (translation: it's cute.)

And I want to tell you: It's not easy to find a cute, casual, cottagey house in this price range and in this neighborhood.
So quit your complaining about the price. I worked hard to find this one for you. Don't be so ungrateful.



Again. Sorry about the tiny photo.





The entry way. I heart that chandy.


Here's the dining room looking into the living room. Dining room is 16x13. Again the chandelier. Love it.




Another shot of the dining room.






Hello gorgeous. 14x15.


Family room 19x15.


The master. It's 19x15.


Look at this porch. So cute.





One of the bedrooms. Love the windows.


Another Family room! I think this one is in the basement.

Feedback? Anyone?

Okay...fine

Nobody's into the resolutions yet. I get it.

My *(finger quote) let's have some interaction on this blog (finger quote)* didn't work.

Maybe this idea is "before it's time"? You know what that means?
In the food biz, "before it's time" is a nice way of saying "crap idea".

But I'm going to tell you my resolutions anyway.
Because it's my blog.
And because I love talking about myself, that's why.

Here are the resolutions I'm considering:

• I need to be a better friend. Currently? I'm a very lazy friend. If I happen to see you every day? We're best friends. If not? I still love you like crazy, but we'll catch up when I see you next. Because I am that lazy.....don't take it personally. Well - hello?? I know how wrong that is! Luckily, most of my pals don't seem to mind. But I've lost touch with a lot of really nice people because of my laziness. This resolution, should I choose to implement it, will be the most likely to fail. Just being honest. I would resolve to call 3 friends a week and have a "play date" once a month. I got this idea because I've connected with a few people via Facebook and it's made me realize how much I miss some of my friends. I'm a way better blogging buddy than friend in real life. And I'm really not that great of a blogging buddy, so that's not saying much, is it? Oh- and Lisa? You need to get on Facebook. Everyone's doing it.
• Exercise 3 times a week. Ever since I married Zuddy and had the Noodle? I just can't seem to make this a habit. So I think if I formally resolve to do this? It will work. Baby steps. I think I can make this one work.
  
• Take more photos. And then actually get them developed. I was loading some photos of the Noodle onto my Facebook page and I loaded all of the ones I had. And there aren't that many. And there aren't many of Zuddy or me at all. We need to change that for the Noodle.

Okay, so there they are.

Now. I've got 2 house tours on deck: a fixer upper (oh my. It's pretty bad. But I see an awful lot of potential there) and a beauty. Which one do you want to see?