Sunday, June 15, 2008

Pam and Martha: Special Agents

Heh. What kind of special.......I don't know.

After this ride-along? I totally want to be a cop. But I don't think I have the multi-tasking skillz.
I'm not kidding. Cops are master multi-taskers.

But let's start at the beginning of this story:

Zuddy and I met at our 5 year high school reunion (See? Waaayyyy back at the beginning).

We got married 12 years ago while I was still in college. Instead of having a wedding? We bought our house. It's not the best neighborhood in St. Paul, but it's not the worst either. It was billed as one of the "up-and-coming" neighborhoods. Plus- it was all we could afford with me still in college.
About 7 years ago, Officer Mc Hott's Mom moved next door to us. We love her. He lived with her at the time. Now he has his own house in a neighboring suburb, but his beat is right here in our neighborhood - which is where he grew up. He works the 10:30 pm to 7:30 am shift.

Pam and Jeff moved next door to us 2 years ago. They are empty nesters who moved here from a very nice suburb. They wanted to live in the city. We love them. Every weekend we sit in lawn chairs in their driveway and talk their ears off. We will probably wake up one day to find they've moved out of their house in the middle of the night to get away from us.

I'm a block club leader and we've had a lot of problem properties in the last couple of years, so officer Mc Hott comes to our block club meetings to get the scoop. With his help, we've been able to force-out a major problem family. Please don't think we're meanies: I'm talking drug-dealing gang members with drive-by shootings. Serious stuff, people.

Anyway, officer McHott will stop by for a chat when he's at his Mom's house and tell us cop stories. We eat it up. Zuddy and I love a good cop story. He's been telling me for a year that he can take me on a ride-along so neighbor Pam and I finally took him up on it.
Here's how the night went:

I was worried I wouldn't be able to stay awake until 11pm when he was picking us up, so I took a big nap.
Then I met Pam in her garage at 10 pm:

I had my purse.
And I was dressed in actual clothes.
And I had make-up on.
And lip gloss.

Jeff.....who is Pam's hubby? Here he is....right here:

Jeff informed me that this ride-along was in fact NOT a date with officer McHott.

WHA???? Huh???

Really? It's not? It really IS just a ride-along??? Humph.

Pam assured me that, no. This evening was, in fact, NOT a date with officer McHott.


I ditched the purse but kept the gloss.

Officer McHott came by at about 11pm (right after roll-call) to pick us up. He and Zuddy talked shop for a little bit:

I know......I had the camera on some weird setting and it's blurry. Or?....... is Zuddy just trying to touch every button reallyquick before we leave? You be the judge.

Here is the fine officer showing Zuddy the stuff in the squad car.

Here's Pam and me. I'm laughing because I have 4 chins and don't realize it yet. When I downloaded these photos? The laughter abruptly stopped, oh yes it did:

I rode most of the time in the back seat, where the criminals ride. Coincidence? I think not.

We learned many important lessons on our ride-along:

1. No good happens after Midnight. good happens after 9pm. All of the good people are in bed. Go to bed.

2. If you are out in the middle of the night on a Saturday night you are probably:

  • Driving with a suspended license.
  • Driving without a license.
  • Drunk.
  • Drunk and driving without a license.
  • A hooker.
  • A drunk hooker trying to pick up officer Mc Hott.

3. No matter which car you stumble upon or which license plate you punch into your computer, it WILL come up with something fishy about the car owner. This was a total surprise to me. The officer could've spent the whole night pulling people over because of some sort of previous violation. (See #1 and get to bed early on Saturday nights.)

4. If he pulled everyone over who deserved it, he wouldn't be available to take the really serious and dangerous calls. It's the sad, sad truth. He has to let a lot of "important" stuff go, because in the end? It's usually not that important.

5. My "normal" life? It's not the norm. It's boring, wholesome, honest, loving and sane. Who knew?


Sarah said...

Hmmmm. I want to go on a ride along with officer McHott too! Love the photo of you in the rear of the cop car. You are a cutie, and if it makes you feel any better, I have 4 double chins too.


Michelle said...

You bad criminal, you! At least you got an adorable photo out of it. Could you smell all of the unwashed hair that has been in that back seat?

The Garage Groumet said...

Great post. Definitely a top five.
Multi-chins must run in the family?

gordostyle said...

Holy schikey's! He is Officer Mc HOTTTTTTTTT! :o) I wanna come next time! :o) Lucky you... and if you ask me... it WAS a date. A nice, husband knew about it, kinda date!


Cutzi said...

Yuck Michelle!! That's all I have to say about that one. I seriously said out loud to the computer with a mouth open scrunched up nose, "Ehhhhhhhh!!!!!" Kind of "ew" and "oh" mixed.

Lisa said...

this is toooo funny. I cannot believe you rode in the back and not RIGHT NEXT TO your driver. WITH YOUR LEFT HAND ON HIS THIGH, purely for support!!!
I also cannot believe sweet Muppy drove out a family in her neighborhood! WOWEE. MAybe we should call your SHERRIF martha. Didnt you star in Reno 911?

Martha said...

Ladies??? Did I lie about officer Mc Hott? I think not.

Oh my gosh, Michelle - you know me so well! I was very pleased to see a nice vinyl covering ALL OVER the back seat of the squad car. Smelled like NOTHIN'! NOTHING I TELL YOU!!! Whew!

GG? I don't see YOU sportin' multi-chins! But thanks anyway.....

Lisa? Pam was next to the fine officer ummmm....being "supportive" of him all night.....just kidding. Heh.

jilly said...

I have not seen McHott on the menu at my golden arches, but I think they would have to create a whole new menu around him. NUM!

What a great thing to do! How fun! Great way of getting a really good insight to your community too! Love it and LOVE the pics of you, they are too much!

PS-It was a date!

restyled home said...

What about a sober married woman trying to pick up Officer McHott?? See any of those??

Zuddy is sooo trusting!!


Suzy said...

What about the throw-up in the back of the cop car? I always imagined throw-up. Do Americans say "throw-up" or is that a Canadian thing?

Cutzi said...

This keeps going through my head...

Hotty with a Naughty Body.

That's what you should say to him next time you see him, Martha.