Friday, April 10, 2009

What I've Been Doing On My Spring Vacation.....

First of all, my friend Kim came over to give me a taste of her baby's deliciously chubby little leggies:

Turns out her face is pretty yummy as well:

Kim has a very busy little boy. He barely slowed down for a photo:

That smile? Fake.

He was a little annoyed that I wanted to take his photo and gave me a quick, "Here. I'll smile. Hurry up and take the photo."

On Wednesday, I took care of Sweet Reenie. She informed me she wanted a quick dunk in the tub.

"Just for fun." she said. I kid you not. That kid makes me laugh.

I let her have a Pedi instead. She was good with that.

Now? I'm working on painting. Noodle's desk and 2 bookcases. And touching up my upper kitchen cabinets.

this, my friends, is where you may want to quit reading. Because this is where your friend explodes with frustration. My teeth gnash and the swear-words are flyin'.

Because painting has been no small task since I had to go to Sherwin-Williams THREE TIMES for the paint I needed. I kid you not.
Here is a summary of my visits.

Visit #1:
"You don't have an account here"

Umm.....yes I do.

"No, you don't".

So I leave.

Visit #2 (helped by another associate):
"Yes, here's your account. We don't have that paint in stock."

Ummm....yyyyeeeah. I kind of got my paint at the specialty paint store so I wouldn't run into this crap. Are you not, in fact, a SPECIALTY-FUCKING-PAINT-STORE???

"I can have it here later today, ma'am."

Turns out I have absolutely nothing better to do than visit you jackasses all the live-long day. I'll be back next week, douchebag.

Visit #3:

Got my paint. One gallon for $47.
Sorry about the swearing, internets. And no - I didn't swear AT the Sherwin-Williams associate. It was all totally in my head.
Sometimes the only thing that can make things better is to let the "effenheimer" fly. Try it.
You'll like it.

Don't judge. I warned you.

So, I'm FINALLY painting the wainscoting on the ends of the upper kitchen cabinets....they were primed, but not painted.

And even though I've asked him more than once?
That Damn Zuddy hasn't finished the caulking of the upper goddamned cabinets. Which makes all of my paint-getting moot.

Because I can't fucking paint what hasn't been fucking caulked.


That's why it's never been painted. I forgot that little detail. So when Zuddy got home I very nicely asked him to caulk so I could do my painting. Fucker.

And Noodle's "new" bedroom furniture. It needs one more coat. Maybe two.:

Remember earlier in this post when I told you there were 2 bookcases? The reason I've never painted all of this is because LAST SUMMER Zuddy promised to sand and prime the 2nd bookcase that was in the garage.

I'll let you sit there and think about whether or not the sanding and priming of the second bookcase ever happened........

Are you feeling the venom seething through every vein in my body?? Are you feeling it?



Amy said...

Will you come paint for meeee, pleeeeez?!!! OMG, woman I can't even get up the balls (okay that didn't sound right) to try and paint) so my hat is off to you.

Coastal Nest. said...

Goddamit...Ive got my coat on, and my paintbrush. The bloody stump I call caulk finger is desperately attached to my poor dry itchy hand. Im on my way, Im broke, so I have to walk all the way there.
Watch for me out the window, Ill be there in like 4 years....

Dont you know if you want something done youve got to do it yourself? MEN!! Plus, caulking is like the totally EASIEST FUCKING JOB-fartster.. Ill teach ya.

Dont you feel better with that bitch session overwith???

I just love ya!

Coastal Nest. said...


those legs on that baby! Completely and totally scrump-dilly!

Im totally having withdrawls about these small beautiful creatures. Fortners over there talkin about how GI normous her belly is.
A new baby, I need NOT--

Michelle said...

I'm guessing she wouldn't want you posting a photo at that angle on your blog when she's 16, but right now those are the cutest baby legs ever.

Yes, the f-bomb has magical cathartic properties. I try to save it up for the times when its use is truly warranted. Zud better get to that caulking unless he wants his wife wandering around town cussing like a sailor, huh?

Mrs. Jones said...

Girlfriend, I just recently figured out a way to get Mr. Jones to do a project for me, I just do it myself and then I jack it up big time and then without a word from me he wishes he had done it himself. Score! Except caulking. I guess I did that well enough that he thought "score" she can do that from now on. Actually, it's pretty easy.

And I have stopped sanding and priming furniture, unless it is laminate that is going to be touched by children. If it is wood, no way. I distress it anyway.

The effenheimer totally makes me feel better, too.

And those are officially the cutest, chubbiest legs evah!

Mrs. Jones said...

I forgot to tell you ... Happy Easter! Hope it is wonderful!


Janet said...

I am with you on this!

Martha said...

Oh Lisa Lisa Lisa.

Yes. I know how to caulk.
Yes. I could do it all myself.

But I married someone.

And part of the deal for me doing all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, organizing, present-buying, greeting card sending, child rearing, working outside the home, working inside the home, present buying, grocery shopping, clothing shopping, home decorating and dealing with his freak of a family?

Is that Zuddy:
1. Bring home an income so I can get my grocery shopping done.
2. Caulk when he messes up the measuring of beaded board for the ends of the cabinets and refuses to cut new pieces.
3. Sex me up once in a while.



'Cause while you have motivated hunk of handiness at your house?

I have a guy who prefers to just hang around being sweet and funny.

And sometimes mama needs him to get some shit done. Know what I'm sayin'?

Love ya,

Suzy said...

Wow. You guys are HILARIOUS. I'm not laughing at your peril, just the way you describe it. And Lisa's comment? Bloody stump? HA HA HA.

I'm wiping tears from my eyes.

Barb said...

Oh man. I feel your pain with the incompetent sales people. And I hope the $47-per-gallon paint has gold in it! :-)

Amy said...

Martha - I am totally with you on the caulking issue...I don't care how easy some things are (like changing a lightbulb or bring the garbage down), they just don't fall into my camp around the house. Once, on a cold Jan. night, note I said once, my hubby suggested that maybe I could take the garbage down to the end of the driveway once in awhile. I suggested that I would be happy to "trade" jobs with him for a year...why don't I do the garbage and he can take over one of the things that I maybe planning all birthday parties for the year, or maybe take over the kids medical appointments (I can tell you that one trip to the dentist office with three kids alone takes more time than doing the garbage for a year)...hmmm...Imagine that...suddenly bringing out the garbage in the middle of January didn't seem like so much trouble!

Amongst The Oaks said...

Oh yes, I feel your frustration with the paint store. That's exactly how I feel when I go to Home Depot. And about Zuddy... um... well... I got one o' those too! And I'm dealing with his freak of a family all the time. Arggh.
My Teen2 had thighs like that when she was a baby, but they are totally normal now. I think that only happens to breast fed babies. Is she breast fed? Something about storing all that good "brown" fat. I think it makes them smart too. Teen2 is a genius so that proves it.

Janelle said...

Why oh why aren't pudgy thighs considered cute once a girl is past her first birthday?

You're lucky to have so many cutie-pie kids in your life!

And I hear ya on the f-bombs...they're necessary to life sometimes. I wish I could use 'em in my blog, but my mother-in-law would stroke out.

Coastal Nest. said...

The beach girl misses her E Hill girl...

Sarah said...

How did I miss this post? The comments have left my belly aching!! (And gave me a contraction or two!) I just love you Martha! And Lisa? I loved the 4 years comment. I bet my baby will be born with those thighs the way she is cookin'. Martha? The F bomb? Totally acceptable in your situation- I would be ticked too~ I need to go lay down now.

Daniela said...

Oh my god, I laughed my ass off. I know you are frustrated, but I gotta tell you, it was funny. This is exactly the reaction that I have to things. You can take the girl out of the sailor, but you can't take the sailor out of the..wait, thats not right. I was thinking of swearing like a sailor..oh well, it sounded right in my head.

Gordostyle said...

Girl... I'm missin' ya! Are you OK? You're on my heart this morning! Hope you are better, alive, and kicking!


Coastal Nest. said...

Happy Mothers Day to one of my favorite NON bloggin bloggers..ya-ye betcha..
from the beach to minnesoooooota.

Amongst The Oaks said...

How much longer will we have to see those thighs when we go to your blog? Is everything ok, or are you in jail for abusing Zuddy?
Thinking of you,

Catholic Runner said...

"effenheimer" - love it!!

Anonymous said...

This is the first time I've ever read your blog and I must say.......I totally LOVE it that you felt like swearing at people!!! It makes me feel so much more normal!! If my inner monoloug was ever made public, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be allowed in public ever again! Keep up the good work.