Saturday, December 1, 2007

Festivus For The Rest Of Us

I've been feeling a bit inadequate lately.

For about the last 37 (almost 38!) years.

You see....I love decorating magazines. I'm addicted. And I love decorating blogs. Any blog that gets me inside someones house? LOVE it!

But if there's one thing I've learned in the past year, it's this: Elizabeth Hill is not worthy of much photographic blog coverage. Don't get me wrong. I love my little house. LOVE IT. I do. But I don't have it decorated to the nines, I'm not real original in my decorating and quite frankly? I can't be stalking blogs and decorating. So the decorating has to go. Because I'm not going to give up the blog-stalking.

Lisa from Take 90 West (one of my new favorite blogs) is participating in a Christmas House Tour. She'll take pictures of her beautifully decorated house and post it on her blog. I personally want to see her plantation shutters. Lisa? Can you sneak a little shutter-porn in one of the photos for me? Thanks. You're a pal.

Any-hoo.

Then I go over to Linda's place over there at Restyled Home and she is talking about how she's just not feelin' it. The creative juices aren't flowing. Then she says, "Happy Festivus" at the end of her post. Which makes me laugh. Because Zuddy says that all of the time.

After my morning blog-stalking routine, I go and get a cup of coffee. And I glance around my pathetic messy house and **ting!**

An "a-ha" moment.

An "a-hahahahahaha" moment!

Because who am I kidding??? I don't do all of those cute things like Mrs. Jones! Or Like Kim from Vintage Pretties! NO SIR!

At the Ziemers? It's Festivus for the rest of us!!! People who decorate in a half-assed manner UNITE!
Do you just use the stuff people give you? Me too!
Do you just slap it up where ever you have the room? Me too!

Are you ready for the tour? Let's go!!


This is the state of my dining room. It's probably the worst room in the house right now. Do you see the bins? Been there for a week. Do you see the box on top of the bins? It's a Department 56 Pillsbury house. I got it from one of the photo studios we hired when I worked on Pillsbury cake mixes. We were in the studio shooting back of the package photos on Pillsbury cake mix and the studio had also done a bunch of stuff for Department 56, so they gave us TONS of stuff. I got some great ornaments and that house.
The table? You can see our Holiday cards. It'll be a miracle if they get sent out.

Another shot of the dining room mess. Festive, no? You can see a couple of garlands all wadded up on the table, there. A green one with gold pine cones and a red beaded one. Incidentally? They're both sitting on top of a picture that was taken down from above the piano and replaced with that mirror. What's it been since I did that? 3 weeks? 4 weeks?

The Hutch. More junk on that thing. And another shot of the junk on the dining room table. Can never see enough of that, right?

Personally I think that this shot says it all: Can you see how the garland is a little heavy on the right? THAT'S where I decided, "Oh sca-rew it." Because that garland is made of sweet little bells. Sweet little bells that get all tangled up on one another. So I just left it all balled up there.
I love that garland. MJ and I got it at Crate & Barrel for our work at that red and white place. Then she turned around and gave it to me. Thanks MJ! Thanks red and white place!!


Here's the only thing that's done. This little ledge. See that decoration that says SANTA? At some point, Zuddy will move the letters around to say, SATAN. Then I will see it and move it back to SANTA. Then the whole game will continue until I take down the decorations. Because we're mature like that.



Ahhhhh. The contact-papered piano. The glass containers have some silver baubles in them, but I haven't bought any candles to go in them yet. I probably never will.
The little trees are supposed to go with the Pillsbury cottage thingie. I probably won't put it out, so I need to put those away, too. Clearly we have a dumping ground here.


Here's the final spot on my tour: The balled-up tree skirt. Why bother crouching down there and neatly arranging it when you can just ball it up throw it under there?

So? Are you feelin' it? Are you feelin' my pain?

Not only do a I have a great big decorating mess, but poor Noodle barfed all over the hallway and bathroom a couple of nights ago. She came up- stairs to get me up in the middle of the night to tell me about it and I went downstairs and stepped in it because I didn't have my glasses on and couldn't see it. Then I tracked it all over the dining room and kitchen.

Happy Holidays!!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mart,
This might be a little long--sorry. I'm laughing so hard I'm wiping away tears. The dang bell garland thing is hilarious. I'm still finding little bells in the test kitchen. F asked me if I found "shutter porn" offensive. "Of course not," I replied. So he excitedly said we shall now refer to his nightly web browsing of bass guitar sites as cruising "Bass Porn". Then he asked me to post a comment telling you so. He's wandering around the house today wearing his new bluetooth hands free ear thingy because it makes him feel like he is on Star Trek. Yes, he actually said this. Sorry girls, he's taken.

MJ

Anonymous said...

Your blog is a hoot. I laugh all the time! Don't trash your home so much! It has really good bones. I know what you mean about blog addiction, but have you even investigated the whole other world of Scandinavian blogs? Start with this one, "Mias Landliv," a Norwegian blog of a woman with a gorgeous home and enviable lifestyle. Plus she also writes in English. From there, you can scroll through her blogroll, then someone else's blogroll etc. You'll never clear the dining room table. Sorry!

MJ said...

One more thing...
the rosemary looks great!

MJ

restyled home said...

I have the perfect decorating answer to your dilemma (and you know I'm all about helping people): liquor!! Drink enough of it till you go to that happy place where everything looks prettier, men hotter, and ourselves thinner. Tis' the season after all!! Your bleary eyes will hardly be noticed...everyone's a bit "preserved" over the holidays!!

Martha said...

MJ and Michael!
Yes! Now Michael can say he is surfing the net for porn. Because it sounds so naughty. It'll be our little secret that it's guitar porn. Nobody needs to know, right?

And the ear thingy....good move, Michael. Here's the thing, though. While you're playing? Place one finger on the ear thingy and scowl and pace around. Then every once in a while? Bark out an order of some sort. Totally intense. And....er.....chicks totally dig it, right MJ? ;)

Hey! Who is my new anonymous friend? Thanks for visiting!

MJ! I forgot to point out the fact that the GORGEOUS rosemary plant you gave me is being displayed in it's growers pot.

Linda? Good idea! I'll have a little nip here and there and really kick it up a notch when I have to go to the in-laws! Excellent. It's important to have a plan, right?

xoxox,
martha

Lisa@Take90West said...

There is nothing wrong with your house...I have never once in all my posts claimed that my dining room table was clear! Or any other flat surface in my house, fot that matter!
But thank you for the tour...I feel priveleged to have been invited in! And I love the bell garland...it's perfect, even if it is a little 'heavy' on one side!
As long as the vomit is cleaned up, I think you are good!

Shutter porn for you...coming up!

Lisa@Take90West said...

Dude, drop what you are doing and head on over to my blog and pick up your award. You and this funny blog make me laugh every day...you deserve it!

Amy said...

OK...I don't know what's going on with the blog but I can't see any of the pictures! Actually, I am glad I can't see the photos because now I can pretend that your dining room table is messier than mine (which I KNOW is impossible).

Just to let everyone know...Martha and the Noodle DID leave their cozy home during the snowstorm and attend my event on Saturday. What a pal!

Amy said...

Check, check...is this commenter working?

Anonymous said...

OK, I'll keep trying to leave a comment...

chickadee said...

well i love your fabric on your dining chairs and the big round mirror over the piano. it will all come together.

Amy said...

OK, I see that my comments finally made it on the blog...I don't know why but they were not showing up when I tried adding them at work. And now I do see the pictures...PLEASE...messy...I am going to send you a picture of my dining room table!

Amy said...

OK, I see that my comments finally made it on the blog...I don't know why but they were not showing up when I tried adding them at work. And now I do see the pictures...PLEASE...messy...I am going to send you a picture of my dining room table!

Janet said...

I just ound your blog and I am so LOL. I am a Realtor who used to get o look at ugly homes all he time, but with the "foreclosure crisis", there are no clients to look at the homes which are definitey not ready for the Best Dressed Award, if you know what I mean. So, for a lack of real work I have become a "blog slut" and spend waaaay too many hours checking sites for new posts. I ask you, how pathetic is that? So, I started my own blog thinking I had so much to offer. Well, apparently not, but that's OK, gives me more time to stalk you and my other faves. Sorry, for the rant.
Janet

Penny said...

Thanks for those shots! They are making me feel so much better because I don't have anything Christmas up! I'm just not the in mood for it this year. I wish I could find the enthusiasm I had a few years ago. I think part of it may be all the stuff with my dad's heart attack this year. Kind of why bother with all the decorating because at the end of the day that isn't what really matters type feeling.

I take that back I do have one Christmas thing up. An undecorated, unlit real tree! LOL!

Mrs. Jones said...

Oh, the joys of having children! I never thought there would be a time when I would be used to barf.

I am aliiiiive! I haven't stopped by because I've been swamped, but every day a little voice inside says "you need to go to Martha's!" So I should be cleaning and running errands right now, but I'm here. Finally.

Your house is gorgeous, so I don't know WHAT you are talking about!!! And I *love* your chandelier garland. Who says it has to be even, girl! I'll be posting some accurate pictures of my house in the very near future. Cuz apparently, you have gotten the wrong impression of me.

As for me, I'm partial to flooring porn. ;-)

Michelle said...

I am so feeling your pain. I love decorating blogs, and seeing how other people decorate, but I just can't seem to get there myself. Take a look at my cozystyle blog if you want to see some more piled up crap.