Thursday, March 12, 2009

Letters

Dear Guy On The Plane,

Wow - seriously? 3 Jack and Cokes in a row at 9am?

Hey - I've been known to get my "drink on" once in a while. And believe you me - I'm not exactly subtle when I do it. Sometimes it involves a night worshipping the porcelain God.

But typically?

I'm at a party.

With people.

Socializing - you know.

Not on my way to a business meeting across the country and drinking myself into a stupor in First Class.

Alone.

Well - you weren't totally alone. I was sitting there right behind you judging you.

Good luck and I'm here if you need me,
Martha





Dear Guy at the Airport,

Wow. Really? How do I explain you to my friends in blogland?

Okay. First of all - I didn't even see you. My co-worker Scott did. He was so excited to point you out to me that I think he broke out into an actual jog to meet me when he saw me come down the concourse to our gate.

First, he explained that he saw you at the security checkpoint.

With your pants completely unfastened.

I think that tipped him off to keep on watching that freak show you've got goin' on there. Scott doesn't normally use the word 'flamboyant'? But it really seemed to be the right fit when describing you, because you are no shrinking violet - oh no you aren't.

And - that HAIR! How do you do that? It's like Richard Simmons on acid! You can't just wake up like that - you have to be working at that look. That's an achievement, you know what I'm sayin'? Good work on the hot pink noise cancelling headphones, too. I can't think of a better way to top it all off up there, buddy.

How about that belly shirt? Dude.....not okay. I mean, where do you even get one of those? It was all wrong with the pants. But when you took the pants off to reveal the shorts, it really seemed to pull it all together. Good for you.

Except it's, like, 10 degrees here. So........yyeeah. Maybe shoulda kept the pants on.

Hey - keep on keepin' on, mister.
Martha

11 comments:

Cutzi said...

You're hilarious.

Love ya.

restyled home said...

I never have that much fun at the airport. Then again, you have to actually go there to have an experience there...

Brooke said...

Good times at the airport. Seriously, jack and coke in the morning is a bit brutal. Afternoon is a whole different story though!

Michelle said...

Three things that don't mix: airplanes, 9am, and jack and anything. At least he gave you some in-flight entertainment. (And way to swing a first class ticket, lady!)

Janet said...

And to think that they give my 91 y.o. father grief at security!! Wow, seriously....
BTW, am I not a Fav anymore... Iseemed to have dropped off your list.

The secret verification word is "shortio" , some kind of discrimination going on here I think.

Mrs. Wacky said...

Aw, just think of all the things that Guy On Plane could be going through.... he could have just found his wife in the middle of sleeping with his best friend, when he forgot his airline tickets and had to go back for them... or he could have just found out that this was his last business trip because he is being laid off at the end of the month... or he COULD have been having a torrid love affair with Mr. Pants Unzipped Richard Simmons on Acid Hair Guy.... and is trying to explain it to his wife, who is sleeping with his best friend.

I mean wow, *I* need 3 Jack and Cokes, just WRITING it! :)

Suzy said...

Just choked on my coffee. HILARIOUS.

Coastal Nest. said...

you so funny Fartster..

Amongst The Oaks said...

Aren't airports funny? And like you say, the way folks act there is hilarious sometimes. Don't they realize all those bored people are watching them? Hmmm, maybe that's why they do it. They need attention.
Thanks for the recent comments. Show us your Tower Pink sometime.
Laura

ZUDDY said...

LET'S LAY OFF HERE- I MEAN, IT IS ALREADY 9AM. I'M GUESSIN WE STARTED WITH BEER AND NATURALLY MADE OUR WAY UP TO MIXERS. HE'S THINKING OF EVERYONE ELSE UP THERE IN TOP CLASS. THIS WAY WE'RE NOT GETTING UP EVERY 20 MINUTES TO DRAIN UNCLE CHARLIE.
UM, WORD VERIFICATION; DOPEG....

Lori E. said...

Laughing out loud again!