This little tidbit is in a neighborhood newspaper I picked up at our little neighborhood grocery store 1 town over from us.
It's from the summary of area Police Reports:
Alcohol - A drunk and disoriented woman was removed from a restaurant Aug. 2nd on the xxxx block of Blaine Avenue. She repeatedly asked police where she was. A preliminary breath test registered a blood alcohol level of (holy crap!) .295. The woman was angry police would not take her home, but she also refused to tell them her address. She ended up in Detox instead, but only after declaring she was going to fake an anxiety attack, and then proceeding to do so.
I don't know who writes these little gems, but this is the second time I've picked up this newspaper and I'm going to continue to do so just for this section of the newspaper. I read them out loud to Zuddy and we crack up.