Fa-la-freakin'-la...

Dear Mommy at American Girl Place,

You have the cutest little toddler in the world. Really. I could've watched her push her little Bitty Baby stroller around the store all day long. Adorable.

However, you may want to re-think the timing of your outing. Because the holiday season at a gifty store like American Girl Place - less than a week before Christmas - to let your toddler push her dolly stroller? Not good.

Especially because I have a history of trampling toddlers. It's not something I'm proud of. (See January 29th 2008 post.)

Happy Holidays,
Martha



Dear Worker at the Lands' End Inlet,

I'm sorry I lied to you about needing two gift boxes for the polar fleece tops I purchased. I think we both knew that one of those tops was for me. I saw the way you looked me up and down in the polar fleece top and pants I was sportin'. You knew, but you didn't make me feel bad at all. Well played, my friend. Well. Played.

And I'm really sorry that I was making fun of your affected accent and lisp in my head while I was waiting in line. Because you were really nice and funny.

Kindest Regards and deepest apologies,
Martha




Dear Lands' End,

I love your polar fleece.

Love,
Martha





Dear Old People in the Chrysler 300's on the road Thursday,

That is a cool-lookin' ride - it is.

But I thought you all got your Holiday shopping done in June? So what are you all doing on the highway driving 35 mph in the passing lane as we're all whizzing past you on hwy 494?

Helpful hint: get some good snow tires and take the city streets.

Best,
Martha



Dear Culvers,

When I want to eat my feelings, you are always there for me.

That double scoop chocolate-vanilla waffle cone is just the ticket when I'm feeling frazzled. And who are we kidding? It's not just a double scoop - there's probably a quart of ice cream jammed into that crispy waffle cone.

Your name is on at least two of my four chins. Keep doin' what you're doin'.

Love,
Martha



Dear Guy at Michael's,

You don't belong in a craft store. You were bumping into women, tripping over your own feet and you looked very confused as you cruised the aisles looking for whatever it was you were looking for.

Just get her a gift card. You'll just end up getting her the wrong thing anyway.

xoxox,
martha



Dear Noodle's Teacher,

I can't tell you how irritated I was when we found out just this week that the kids were doing a 'Secret Snowflake' gift exchange.

Because after running around all day and still not finishing my shopping? I realized when I picked up the Noodle at the bus stop at 6:15 pm that we still needed to go to the dollar store and get gifts for her 'Secret Snowflake'.

That's how I found out the dollar store in our area had folded. So we had to go to Target's dollar spot and find some stuff.

But after watching her agonizing over what to get for her 'Snowflake', I realized (yet again) what a complete hateful witch I am. Because for four dollars, the Noodle put together a really cute little gift basket with a mini slinky, a date book and some socks. She really got into the spirit of giving and was thrilled to give this gift to little Rosa.

Even though Rosa indicated that she hates Noodle.....we're hoping that $4 gift will buy her love....wish us luck!

Oh - and I hope you like your gift. It was my first craft EVER.


Love,
Noodle's Mom